A jet fighter might have made the trip in less time,
give or take three or four minutes.  His only problem
was that he had to maintain the acceleration and
deceleration at constants in order to not kill any of
his passengers, although Xtery personally thought he
might have withstood an inertia shock himself.

Ordinarily, he might have popped the German Beetle
perhaps 50 or 60 miles without much trouble.  But Area
51 near Groom Lake in the outback of Nevada was quite
some distance from El Paso.  The trick required
scanning an area more or less devoid of cars, trucks,
and especially people.  Then popping the Beetle into
that area, decelerating just enough to scan ahead
before popping the Beetle to the next vacant area that
he found.  At this speed, it was natural to make an
error.  Once, the car appeared, just for an instant,
in the parking lot of a grocery store in Wickenburg,
Arizona, and a woman thought she saw something and
blinked her eyes, but whatever it was had disappeared.
 The woman took out a handkerchief and rubbed at her
spectacles as if dust and the reflection of the sun
had caused the problem.

Somewhere about Kingman, Arizona, Miles found enough
breath to remark, "Wish I knew how you do this!" and
then they were already approaching Las Vegas, a vacant
road in a new development called Anthem.  And, just as
quickly, far beyond the city.

Xtery slowed the Beetle after they reached Highway
375, known as Extraterrestrial Highway.  By now, dawn
was thinking about becoming day.  A bleary sun sat on
the low hills to the east.  It was cool and pleasant,
but the sun promised that it was soon going to be hot
and very unpleasant.

The little community of Rachel, actually just a
handful of old and ancient mobile homes and a building
or two, wasn't much farther up the highway.  A few
scattered trees, more like shrubs, poked the sky. 
Someone was trying desperately to grow flowers
alongside a withered old trailer whose only redeeming
feature was a satellite dish a few feet away.

Xtery was driving only 50 miles an hour when he slowed
the Beetle and pulled into the parking area by Little
A'Le'Inn.

"Cute name," said Miles.  "Took a heap of brain power
to think that one up."

The Little A'Le'Inn was a low building with a couple
of windows and a door and a large sign that blared its
name.  In any city in America, it would have been a
dump.  Here, it was almost a palace because the air
inside was cooled.

They had coffee and conversation and no one in the
place seemed to find it odd that a Diet Pepsi had been
ordered with two straws and if they noticed that some
of the conversation was directed to empty air, no one
remarked about it.

In fact, the two or three people in the place seemed
to be waiting for something to happen.  The arrival of
"customers" brought them back to some semblance of
life, but after coffee was ordered, they retired into
their vacant stares out the small windows.  One had a
laptop computer on the table and was watching a vacant
sky.

"Just in case something strange appears in the air
over Area 51," the waitress said.

"Strange," said Miles as they left.

"Not so loud," said Starr.  "Someone will hear you and
become offended."

"Here?  Not a chance," insisted Miles.  "That town
yonder is strange and that highway going off yonder is
strange and this is a strange place and I think the
people here like it that way."

"Well, I'm going to be hungry soon," said Bdudd, "and
I think we should be back to civilization or someplace
similar so I can get a peanut butter sandwich."

"Xtery could pop us some sandwiches," Muduud pointed
out.

"Later," said Xtery.

"A picnic," said Starr.  "On some distant mountain
top.  In a grassy meadow underneath some trees."

"Nothing like that around here," said Miles.

"Have you been here before?" asked Xtery.

Miles looked around at the distant mobile homes and
the feeble attempt at the occupants to create a
semblance of vegetation in the area, then stared at
the highway that swooped on down the long valley and
up the grade into the distance.

"I don't know," he said.  "I just don't know."

"Well, don't worry about it," said Xtery.  "And I'm
sure we'll find a tree somewhere."

But actually, what he discovered was an outcropping of
rocks and some low cedars that offered some protection
in the morning hours from the hard sun of Nevada. 
They dined on eggs and bacon and coffee that Xtery had
popped from some casino kitchen in Las Vegas. 
Biscuits, too, with butter.  Bdudd and Muduud pleaded
for peanut butter sandwiches and Xtery found a jar of
peanut butter in a supermarket and some bread and
Miles helped the pair of Verdidiuns make their
breakfast on a blanket that had also been "lifted"
from a store in Tonopah, Nevada.

Off in the distance and far below was a scattering of
buildings.  Xtery could make out a landing strip. 
That was about all.  Even these simmered in the
growing heatwaves of the desert morning.  He could not
tell the color of the buildings.  They all appeared
like a mirage in a cheap movie.

Now and then a Jeep passed on a dirt road off to their
left.  The Jeep was driven by someone in military
uniform.  In the passenger seat was a man or woman in
military uniform with a weapon.  They appeared to be
searching for something that they couldn't find.

"Interesting," said Miles as he watched the Jeep come
up the road for the third time.

"What are they hunting?" asked Starr.

"Us," said Xtery.

"Goody!" said Bdudd.  "This is fun!"

"Not so loud," suggested Xtery.

Less than an hour ago, they stopped his Volkswagen
Beetle just a few yards from the restricted area.  A
small camera observed their every move as they crawled
out of the car and walked back down the road and
around a bend out of view.  Xtery then popped the four
of them and himself off to this mountain top far
inside the perimeter of cameras and alarm devices. 
Not taking any chance, the guards were keeping a tight
rein on the entire region just in case fanatics might
sneak onto the military base known only as Area 51,
but which the government stoutly denied existed either
in name or fact.

"Those people down in Rachel would love to be here,"
said Bdudd.  "They would get arrested long before they
reached this point."

"Might happen to us, too," said Xtery.

"Can't you make everyone invisible?" Bdudd asked.

"Two people, no problem," Xtery said.  "Three, I don't
know.  Certainly not all of the time.  Too much
concentration.  Wouldn't be able to think about
anything else."

Just then, a military helicopter with considerable
armament hammered their direction out of a hard blue
sky.  But it slowly moved past them and on up hill. 
Then disappeared beyond some towering rocks.

"They know something's up," Miles said, gesturing
toward the buildings in the valley distance.

"Probably," said Xtery.

"What happens if they find us?" Starr asked.  She had
taken a brush and was fussing with her hair.  Xtery
had an impulse to tell her that it looked fine, but
was afraid.  He didn't know how she would react and
the mystery of that kept him quiet as he watched her. 
He was aware that she knew he was watching her, but
seemed to be ignoring his attention.

"I don't know," Xtery said.  "They might try to arrest
us.  Let me rephrase that statement.  They would
definitely arrest us if they accidentally managed to
catch us.  They do not like people fooling around in
this region for some reason.  Maybe because of the
flying saucer that Bdudd says she saw.  Maybe because
of some super secret airplane under construction.  The
so-called Stealth Bomber was supposedly build down
there and tested from that landing strip we see.  What
they would do with us afterwards, if they caught us, I
don't know."

"I wonder if it's my flying saucer," Miles said.

"Probably not," Xtery said.  "Rumor is that it's a
flying saucer that crashed near Roswell, New Mexico."

"How come they didn't spot us?" Miles asked.  "We're
right here in plain view."

"Not quite," said Xtery.  "First, we're in the shadows
and actually difficult to see in all of the
surrounding rocks and scrub cedar trees.  Second,
they're not concentrating on this area.  We're inside
the sensor devices they've set up.  Most of their
attention is directed farther away from the base down
there, not closer."

"This is a good picnic," said Muduud.  "I like
picnics."

He was having a fine time with his peanut butter
sandwich.

"All we need is a good wine," said Miles.

Xtery started to protest that now was not exactly a
proper occasion for drinking.

"Yes.  I would like a glass of cool wine," said Starr,
stopping her brushing and putting away the brush in
her purse.

Immediately, there was a bottle of chilled Riesling on
the blanket, along with three wine glasses.

"What about us?" asked Bdudd.

Xtery popped a taller glass with two soda straws in
front of them.

"You forgot a corkscrew," said Miles.  He left the
bottle of wine to the light and gazed at it.  "But I'm
not sure I can handle this stuff anymore."

"Coming up."  And there the corkscrew was on the
blanket as Xtery added:  "As for the wine, I guarantee
that it will not affect you."

"Good," said Miles as he did the honors, pouring some
into their glasses and then lifting his own glass in a
toast.

"Friends and friendship, that's all that really
matters in this world," said Miles.

"You're right," said Bdudd and Muduud almost in
unison.  "Say, this stuff is almost as good as peanut
butter sandwiches!"

"I can see that you really didn't train these two
friends of mine very well," Miles accused Xtery. 
"This wine is okay, perhaps, but nothing all that
great."

"I didn't train them at all," said Xtery.

"Well, we'll get them culturized to the finer things
in life sooner or later.  Such as Dom Perigon," Miles
said.  "I'll educate them myself."

"I sort of wished you wouldn't," said Xtery.  "They're
enough trouble already."

"Nyah!  These little things.  Too cute."

"We are not things," Bdudd pointed out sharply.

"Sorry," said Miles.  "I made a mistake and I
apologize profusely and beg your humble forgiveness."

"Okay," said Bdudd.  "But you'd better shape up."

"She right," Xtery told Miles.  "You don't want to
make either of them mad.  Although, if you make one
mad, the other is automatically mad, too.  And
together they're a handful!"

"I promise," said Miles.  He made a pretense at
critically examining Bdudd and Muduud and moving
further away, although he actually only moved an inch.
 "I promise most definitely."

"Can we have more?" Muduud asked, pointing at the
glass he and Bdudd shared.

"You guys drink all of that?" Miles asked.

"It was good," Muduud said.

There was some left in the wine bottle.  But Miles
hesitated.

"Can they handle it?" Miles asked Xtery.

"I don't know.  I doubt if they've ever had wine
before.  I don't know what it does to their
metabolism."

"Well, you fixed me.  Can't you fix them?"

"No.  Their systems are quite different.  More
complex.  And small.  I've never tried it with a
Verdidiun."

"And you'd better not!" said Bdudd in a huffy tone.

"Me either!" said Muduud.

"Lord!  I think they're stoned!"

Xtery shook his head.  "I certainly hope not."

"We are not stoned," said Bdudd.  "Are we, Muduud?"

"Of course not," said Muduud.  And he promptly did a
somersault in the air above the blanket.  "See?"

"Would you like to see me do an Immelmann Turn?" asked
Bdudd.

"I don't think so," said Miles as another Jeep came up
the road below them.  "This may not be the time and
it's certainly not the place for an Immelmann Turn,
whatever that is."

Bdudd seemed disappointed.  She glanced at Muduud as
if communicating something to him.

"Well!" she said.  "We never get to have any fun!"

And both of them suddenly took off in the direction of
the buildings below in the valley.

"Definitely not the place," Xtery mumbled, echoing
Miles.

"Well, go get them," said Miles.

"Me?  I can't catch them!  Couldn't even get close. 
First, they're very fast and also devious when it
comes to shifting about.  Second, they can teleport. 
You can obviously teleport.  You go get them."

"Too old," said Miles.

"Why don't we all go after them?" asked Starr.  "Maybe
we can convince them to come back."

She finished the last of her wine and sat the glass
down.  She stood up and stretched.

Xtery climbed to his feet.  Earlier, because of the
growing heat of the day, he'd taken off his suit
jacket and left it in the Volkswagen Beetle.  Now he
also unfastened his tie and slung it into the air
where it promptly disappeared.

"Wish I knew how you did that!" Miles said.

"I merely popped it back to the Beetle," Xtery said.

Suddenly, the tie appeared in the air before them and
fell to the blanket and seemed to quiver once like a
dying leaf.

"You musta done something wrong," Miles said.

"You sure you didn't use some of that Alabama pig's
back magic to bring it back?"

"Absolutely not," Miles said, shaking his head.

"Don't look at me!" Starr said.  "I didn't do it."

Xtery popped the tie back to the Volkswagen.

One by one, the items disappeared from the blanket.

"We're happy campers, eh?" Miles said.

"I'm putting everything back where I found it.  Even
the empty wine bottle," Xtery said.  Then he carefully
shook out the blanket and folded it and it, too,
disappeared from his hands.

"That guy is gonna be real mystified about his missing
wine," Miles remarked.

"Actually, I replaced the wine from a huge storage
tank in Napa Valley," Xtery said.  "If he knows
anything about wine, he'll be surprised at the rare
quality in this particular bottle and probably head
for the store to buy more of the same brand."

"And be disappointed?"

"Well, that's life," said Xtery, shrugging his
shoulders.

"You sure are a mighty devious human being," said
Miles.

Xtery was aware of the implications of the statement
and mused about it.  Was the term human being meant to
be flattering?  Or accusative?

"I guess I'm getting to be that way," Xtery finally
said.

Sirens, faint and far away, began to peal through the
morning air.  Although it was difficult to be sure,
the noise seemed to come from the direction of the
buildings below in the distant valley.

"We're too late!" Starr said.  She stared down into
the valley, hands on hips.

"We were too late the instant they left," Xtery said. 
"I like them quite a lot.  But they are often trouble.
 On the other hand, I've come to believe that life
would be sort of dull without them around.  They may
have originally been sent here to observe me, but
increasingly I suspect they're here to keep me from
being bored."

"That's sort of absurd," said Miles.

"Yes.  Isn't it?  However, it beats television.  Most
of the time."

"Wonder what they're doing?" Miles said.  He, too, was
staring down into the valley.

"Guess we'll have to go see," said Xtery.  "Come
along."

He immediately popped himself and Starr onto a side
street near one of the buildings that was without
windows.

"Where's Miles?" asked Starr.

"I don't know," Xtery said.  He was surprised that the
older man hadn't appeared with them.  A quick scan of
the mountain found Miles standing in the shade of a
cedar tree that grew out of the rocks.  His forehead
was laced with a frown.

Xtery popped the older man to their side.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I can't figure it out," said Miles.  "I actually
thought I could teleport down here.  But nothing
happened.  I tried.  Nothing happened."

"Don't worry about it now," suggested Xtery.  "We've
got to find two golden fairies before they cause any
more trouble than they probably have already."

Just then, a Jeep with two MPs, siren screaming, came
around the corner of a distant building and headed
their direction.  Starr closed her eyes.  Miles just
stood there, not knowing what to expect.  The Jeep
sped past and further down the street.

"They couldn't see us," Xtery explained.

"Neat trick," said Miles.

"Well!" remarked Starr.

Just then, a golden bullet sped past them flying so
fast that Xtery couldn't tell whether it was Bdudd or
Muduud.

"Was that what I thought it was?" Miles asked.

"More than likely," said Xtery.  "Unless the
scientists here have come up with a very unusual
flying craft.  One that, I suspect, is also slightly
drunk."

Muduud popped into view in front of them, tilting to
the left as he attempted to remain directly in front
of them.

"We are not drunk!  We're just having fun!"

And he was gone.

"We'll never be able to catch them," Miles said.

"Maybe we can use some bait," said Xtery.

"Bait?"

"But first, we might as well look around."

"Good," said Starr.  "There was a photo in the
newspaper several months ago of this place.  All the
picture revealed were some buildings and a landing
strip for airplanes.  But, if you don't mind, I'd
rather walk."

"Ah, a degree of difficulty."

"Do you mind?"

"Like Bdudd said, most of the important projects are
underground.  Huge caverns appear to have been carved
out of the mountain.  But, no, I suppose we can manage
to visit everything."

"My flying saucer in one of them caves?"

"Doubt if it's precisely your flying saucer," said
Xtery.  "Anyway, it's in pieces."

They strolled down the street and into a building as
Xtery led the way.  Several people came out of the
building.  One were almost running.  No one noticed
them.  But once Xtery pushed Miles and Starr gently to
the side as an officer in air force uniform came
quickly their direction.

"We're invisible," Xtery whispered.  "But if someone
bumps into us, all hell could break loose."

"Think it already has," said Miles as a couple of
gunshots sounded in the distance.

"They're shooting at ghosts," Xtery explained.  "Bdudd
and Muduud are playing around a very strange-looking
aircraft in an underground hanger over that direction.
 The aircraft they call Aurora, I believe."

"Shouldn't we go capture them?"

"What with? A butterfly net?"

"Guess not, eh?" said Miles.  He ran his long fingers
through his closely cropped gray hair.

"Most definitely not," said Xtery.  "My hope is that
they don't try to fly that thing."

He sneaked a glance at Miles as they walked, wondering
about the fingers.  They appeared slightly longer than
you'd expect.  Of course, many earthlings also had
large hands and long fingers, although it wasn't a
common trait.  He couldn't recall ever seeing a
picture or hologram of a being with fingers like that.

Xtery led the way to an elevator.  No one was in it. 
He guided them inside and pushed the button and the
elevator quickly descended somewhere about 300 feet
underground.  The door opened automatically.  An MP
was standing guard at a desk.  He looked up when the
elevator door opened, but then glanced back at his
desk when he saw no one.

They walked quietly by the guard and down a long
corridor, pausing only once when an engineer in a
white jacket came by them.

The corridor opened onto a large open space with huge
floodlights mounted on steel racks alongside both
sides of the chamber.

Several men and women, all garbed in white jackets,
worked at several steel counters.  They seemed to be
examining pieces of equipment.

Xtery led his companions around one of the counters
and near a tall metal cabinet.

"That your flying saucer?"

"How could I know?" Miles said.  He shrugged his
shoulders and walked over to a counter and looked at a
gauge of some kind closely, then shook his head and
came back.  "I haven't the foggiest clue."

"Shall we go look at the Aurora?"

"I've had enough exercise for the moment," said Starr
when Xtery glanced questioningly at her.

Then the three of them were in an even larger cavern
that was literally bathed in lights.  Absolutely no
random inch was allowed to be in shadows.  Several
guards were posted about an odd-appearing aircraft
that looked somewhat like a shark with swept-back
fins.  They stood like straws in a thick milkshake,
but all seemed to be waiting for something to happen. 
Bdudd had just figured out how to open a slot that
appeared to be the entrance to the aircraft, a doorway
was sliding back in the slot, and already a guard in
uniform was glancing that direction.  Muduud was
flying around in circles over Bdudd's head.

Not knowing what else to do under the circumstances,
Xtery immediately popped the two Verdidiuns back to
the picnic site on the mountain.  And they just as
immediately popped back into the air directly in front
of him.

"Don't do that!" screamed Bdudd.  She swung his tie
around her head.

"Would you and Muduud please go home," trying to place
special emphasis in his tone.

"No," said Muduud.  "We are having fun!"

He glanced at Bdudd and both of the Verdidiuns
disappeared.

Xtery shook his head.

"I forgot about the bait," he said to Starr.

"What bait?" asked Miles.

"One of your peanut butter sandwiches."

"Somehow or other, I don't think that would have
worked," said Miles.

One of the guards evidently heard their conversation. 
He took his Colt out of his holster, snapped the lock
off, and walked their direction, eyes wide.  Alarms
suddenly began screaming at them.  More guards rushed
into the chamber from a far doorway.  All of them had
guns at the ready.  Several guards stopped in assigned
areas.  The other guards began carefully searching
every inch of the room, scanning even the ceiling,
searching under the aircraft, prowling along the walls
of the chamber.

Xtery popped the three of them above ground just as
two helicopter gun ships beat through the air above
the buildings.  At first, it appeared as if the gun
ships were speeding south.  But then both swooped in a
semicircle and headed their direction.  The chop-chop
of the huge blades of the rotors grew quickly loud. 
Starr covered her ears with her hands, staring in
fright as they approached.  The gun ships seemed to
know precisely where they were standing!

Then, one of the gun ships quivered and shifted right,
then shifted too far to the left as the pilot tried to
adjust.  Noticing that its partner was having trouble,
the other gun ships literally bounced away and took a
position several yards to the right and more than two
hundred feet in the air.

One gun ship that had experienced trouble rushed at
the ground, then stopped its plunge just short of
crashing and landed almost in front of them, its
blades slowly grinding to a halt.  The helicopter was
so near that Xtery could read the confusion on the
pilot's face.

Then Xtery noticed that the first gun ship had not
landed on purpose, but because a rather familiar tie
was entwined in its rear rotary blades.  This had
forced an emergency landing.

It was already too late to reclaim the tie.  The pilot
of the helicopter was out of his craft and staring at
the tie.

"What the hell!"

And suddenly the other helicopter began to retreat
rapidly as small pebbles thunked against the Plexiglas
near the pilot's head.

"Bdudd!  Stop that!" Xtery yelled loudly, his hands
cupped to make a megaphone.

The rocks stopped.  The pilot of the helicopter,
confused, continued to move away from the scene just
as two Jeeps loaded with soldiers came down the
street.  The soldiers leaped from the Jeeps as soon as
they stopped and formed a perimeter around the
grounded helicopter.  An officer with the cluster of a
major walked over and looked at the tie around the
rotor.

"It's not mine," the pilot said as he stood with his
hands on his hips.

All of them watched as the other helicopter landed in
a hard, flat area alongside the buildings.  The pilot
came from his gun ship and joined them.

"What happened to you?" asked the officer.

"You really don't want to know," said the pilot.

"I said...."

"A little golden fairy threw rocks at me."

The officer shook her head.  "You're right.  I really
don't want to know."

"Someone shouted at it," said the pilot who was still
examining a necktie wrapped in the blades of his rear
rotor, "and it stopped.  One of those soldiers over
there, I think."

Two soldiers shook their head.  "Not us.  The voice
came from that direction."

"Not me either," said another soldier.

"Well, will someone tell me where the tie came from?"
asked the officer. "And also where that rock-throwing
fairy went?"

That led to more confusion.

"I thought so," said the officer.  He walked over and
climbed into the Jeep and, as if he'd order them, a
soldier crawled beneath the steering wheel and
another, rifle at ready, got in the rear seat and the
Jeep sped off down the road.

Xtery cupped his hands together again and shouted: 
"Are you two finished having fun yet?"

Bdudd popped into view in front of him.

"No!" she said.  And was gone!

"I thought I saw something!" yelled one soldier.  "And
someone shouted something."

"Me, too!  A white-hair old man."

"No, stupid!  A golden fairy.  Over there."

"I don't see anything."

"Uh oh," said Xtery and he popped the three of them
three blocks away where two golden fairies where
trying to undo an American flag from a flagpole.  When
they spotted Xtery and the others, however, they
immediately flew in the direction of a Jeep and took
off in the Jeep toward the landing field.

He beat them to the entrance to the twin engine jet
airplane just as all of Area 51 seemed to fill up with
soldiers running here and there, Jeeps speeding
somewhere, gunfire in the distance.

"We're going back to the mountain to have a peanut
butter sandwich," Xtery said.  "Just in case you'd
like to join us."

Muduud glanced at Bdudd.

"Okay," they said.  Both vanished from view.

Xtery quickly popped himself, Starr, and Miles back to
the place where they'd had a picnic earlier in the
morning.  By now, some of the effects of the wine had
disappeared and Bdudd was leaning against a rock, her
golden tone more of a yellow hue, and holding her
hands over her mouth.

"I think I'm being sick," she said.

"Serves you right," said Xtery.  He handed each of the
Verdidiuns damp towels that he'd just exported from a
motel in Caliente.

He sat down on a rock.  Starr tended to Bdudd and
Muduud.  Miles came over.

"I don't think we learned much," Miles said.

"Well, we learned one thing.  Verdidiuns can't handle
their liquor."

(continued next week)

There are large horror stories and small horror
stories.  And I know a good many people these days
with one kind of horror story or another.  Real
problems.  Cancer.  Heart.  Job.  Finances.  A death
in the family or among close friends.  A son or
daughter into drugs.  So my particular horror story is
more in the nature of an irritant.  But I get rather
aggitated at times when I lose control of my world.
Such as it is.  Considering the fact that very few of
us really have control of anything in our lives to any
extent.  And there's the possibility that I'm at
fault.  Once again.

The problem is Sears.  And I'm fed up with Sears.
Really fed up this time!

They gave me a Sears MasterCard credit card.  Okay.
Came in the mail.  I didn't use it much.  I have a
couple of other credit cards.  Mostly we use--Barbara
and I--American Express because of frequent flyer
miles.  Then I was pitched a small accident insurance
policy that seemed like a fairly good deal.  $9.96 a
month.  And they could put it on my credit card.  That
way, I'd only have one bill to pay each month.  Okay.

I've had the policy a few years.  Each month, I've got
the bill for the credit card and paid it.  I paid my
February bill as usual.

Then, bang, I get a bill with a late payment charge of
$10 and a $1 finance charge.  They claim I was late
paying February and even owed on a January payment.  I
pay bills electronically.  I quickly paid $9.96 and
started checking.  True, I had no record of paying
January.  Matter of fact, I couldn't even find a bill
in the junk mail on my desk...junk mail that I look
at, as a rule, when I get the urge, then toss.

I quickly canceled the policy and canceled my Sears
MasterCard and cut it up!

Voila!  Another bill.  $41.92.  Sears was charging me
a late fee on my late fee.  Plus a finance charge.
$9.96 had grown, in just six weeks, to $41.92!
Impossible! 

I detest robbery in all forms.  I wrote a letter of
protest and paid the January fee of $9.96 just in case
I actually had missed it for some reason.

I wanted to make a statement.  Fight these bastards!
They can't do this to me!  Don't they know I was born
and raised in Texas?  Don't they know I'm an ex-GI!
Don't they know with whom they're dealing?

Then, during the night, I realized that I could not
win a fight against Sears.  Sad to know you can't win.
 They have lawyers up the gazoo.  They don't care
about a retired guy living in Las Vegas.  Hell, they
didn't even care about my new bathroom sink that time
they forgot to hook it up to the drain pipe.  And we
won't bother to tell the story about the dishwasher,
which was hooked to the cold water rather than the hot
water.  And the air conditioner-heating system that I
had Sears install.  Works.  But as noisy as a wheat
combine!

So, I sent Sears the rest of their robbery to get the
full $41.92 gone.  I've had a "Sears Lesson."  Small
price to pay for getting Sears behind me forever. 

OTHER MATTERS
Sam Hale, Duluth, GA, MTACMT@aol.com, bumped into this
website; he'd read my comments about Paul Ackerman, to
wit: "From our previous email exchange, I recall that
you were unable to attend the funeral of Mr. Ackerman
at which Jerry Wexler  delivered the eulogy. Your
mention to them today prompted this note to tell you
that I have a copy of Mr. Wexler's remarks and will be
happy to send you a copy if you'll send me your
mailing address. I enjoy your weekly writings on RDN
tremendously and thank you for your candor and
insights.   All the very best."

The eulogy was printed.  I don't know where.  The
byline was Jerry Wexler.  Absolutely beautiful
writing!  But then, who among us who knew Paul
Ackerman could paint the words he really deserved. 
"We're here to honor the memory of a holy man," Wexler
said.  What a neat observation!  Captured Paul
precisely.  Paul's only vice, to the best of my
knowledge, was that he occasionally stooped to
stealing a cutting from a camellia bush and he once
stole one such cutting from the garden of Ralph Peer
in Los Angeles.  Had Peer still been alive, he would
have offered Paul the cutting, I'm sure.  Maybe the
whole bush.  Paul didn't want to trouble Monique Peer,
the widow, so he "sampled" amidst the garden covertly.

I don't know how to reach Jerry Wexler.  I've heard he
lives on Long Island, NY.  But I have no address.
Thus, I cannot ask permission to reprint the eulogy
which, of course, deserves widespread circulation.
And I do not know where it was printed.  Sam Hale
merely provided me the trimmed copy.

Jerry has written some very beautiful prose about a
man many--including me--loved immensely.

But I would like to print this paragraph or two
written by Jerry.  It depicts with enormous insight
both Paul and the record industry as it existed then.
"We tried somehow to insulate him from the tiny daily
outrages that make up the rub of existence.  The large
ones he perceived before we did.  Paul should have
been our conscience, the man we could be measured by
if ever we permitted ourselves to follow our best
instincts--but we trod other pathways, and so we
didn't."

Jerry also spoke of Paul's "childlike capacity for
wonder and his sense of the marvelous."

That was, indeed, Paul Ackerman.

My wife Barbara said about the eulogy:  "Amazing
writing."

Ron Bacon, ronbacon2@esedona.net: "In your February
28th column when you were talking about LA clubs, it
reminded me of the extremely important role in West
Coast music played by the Ash Grove on Melrose. Many
great folk, country and blues bands got their start
there long before the Palomino. Owner Ed Pearl also
introduced LA to the best of pop, jazz and rock
bands. Besides well-known bands like Flatt & Scruggs,
Bill Monroe and the Stanley Brothers, he booked The
Byrds, Kentucky Colonels, Canned Heat, Taj Mahal, The
Chambers Brothers, The Georgia Sea Islanders, Ry
Cooder, Jim Morrison, Richard Greene, Muddy Waters,
Maybelle Carter, Doc Watson, Clarence Ashley, Cousin
Emmy, The Lost City Ramblers, David Lindley and many
others.  Johnny Cash did his first performance in LA
when he filled in for the Carter Family who had been
accidentally double-booked on the TV show 'Hootenanny'
the same night they were supposed to play the Ash
Grove. Linda Ronstadt was about 16 years old when she
first took the stage. I also remember wonderful
evenings with the great Jessie Fuller and his one-man
band he called the 'Fodella', and Seals and Croft,
Lightning Hopkins, Freddie and Albert King.  My wife
taught guitar at the Ash Grove and as a result we got
to know many of the musicians who hung out at the
club. Ed Pearl even booked our folk music act a
couple of times. Another important club was Doug
Weston's Troubadour on Santa Monica. He was the man
primarily behind the careers of Hoyt Axton and Richie
Havens. He also brought Elton John to LA for the
first time. Ed Pearl was well known for his leftist
politics and when the club was fire bombed three times
and finally closed he blamed it on the radical right.
By the way Lisa and I have just released a new album
of our original jazz songs called 'Something
Wonderful'. It is now available on the web!  Click on
this link and you should find our album's website.
You can listen to the songs by clicking on the titles
on the left side of the website.
http://www.cdbaby.com/bacons
Please notice that we have listed our album in the
'Cabaret' category.  The album is also available
nationally at  Tower Records, iTunes, Rhapsody,
BuyMusic, Emusic, the new Napster, AOL's MusicNet,
MusicMatch, and more!"

Great on you, Ron.  Good letter!

Bill Vermillion, bv@wjv.com:  "Just saw your web page.
 While browsing around and being a bit nostalgic, I
ran across your web page.  It's been a long time since
I left radio, and WLOF, Orlando, and inadvertantly
breaking records--which happened only  because I
played what I thought were the best.  I spent 10 years
in a recording studio here in Orlando  [Bee Jay
Studios].  Mixed two top-10 albums that generated 3
top-10 singles for Cameo.  Worked on a few others that
hit the charts and many that barely went plastic.  And
after the 24+ hour days at times in the studio finally
got to me I became a self-employed computer consultant
working with Unix, and for the past many years have
been the head tech person for a couple of small niche
market ISPs.  It's really sad to hear what passes for
radio now.  The old days were so much fun."

Don't know how many of you remember John Gorman, a
program director from the Cleveland area.  Good one.
Just received an article from Bob Todd,
BobTodd1970@aol.com, that was written by Gorman.
Someone else sent me the article, too.  It's getting
good circulation.  Good, pithy article.

Bob says, "I know John Gorman pretty well. He's the
guy who put the legendary rocker on the air in
Cleveland. His wife is in radio as well. Boy, he
really hit the mark with this, didn't he?"

The Gorman article indicates that perhaps it's time to
 buy radio stations again.  The big operators, and you
know who I mean, are shucking marginal operations
because advertisers are not agreeing so much any more
with their shuck and jive.  John's email is:
gmanusa@comcast.net.  The article was in the Cleveland
Free Times.  John might send you a copy if you missed
the Todd, etc., distribution.  Gorman says, "it's in
their best interest to sell their stations at a loss
just to get them off the books. That could open the
door to local and regional owners and operators that
understand the makings of Cleveland and realizing that
local radio's only successful comeback is to be
local."

John's very bright.  Let's extrapolate one step
further.  As a big operator (notice that I did not use
the term major for that would indicate quality) dumps
a station, creativity takes hold and the new station
hires a John Gorman or Bob Todd type and the first
thing you know the big operator is getting hurt
severely in the pocketbook in that particular market
and, viola, the cycle comes around again and we might
even have decent radio on the air once again in quite
a few markets.

Tom Noonan, Tenoonan8@aol.com, sent this note to Steve
Meyer, stephenmeyer@earthlink.net, and Henry Amato at
henryamato@sbcglobal.net:  "I have just returned from
NYC where I attended the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame
Induction Dinner last Monday night in NYC at the
Waldorf-Astoria Hotel grand ballroom (which was
packed).   The inductees were U2, The Pretenders,
Perce Sledge, Buddy Guy & The O'Jays &  Seymour Stein
& Frank Barsalona as the two from the industry. 
Bruce  Springsteen, Jerry Lee Lewis, Eric Clapton,
Robbie Robertson, B.B. King, Ice-T, all  participated,
sat in and performed as well as did the five
inductees.  I was invited by Seymour Stein (who paid
for my ticket to the dinner--tickets went for
$2,500.00 each) who I had hired 50 years ago at
Billboard, as a 14-year-old part-time employee in the
Pop Chart Dept. (full time during school vacations). 
He called me and invited me to attend.   Also Warner
Bros. threw a private party for Seymour the night
before (last Sunday night) at a  downtown 'Little
Italy' restaurant called La Mela, which was great as
well.   Ahmet  Ertegun, Tommy Silverman & wife, the
only living member of the Ramones, Johnny  Barbis &
wife, Chris Blackwell, Jerry Blavatt, Joey Reynolds,
Todd Brabec  (ASCAP), Bob Merlis, Bill Roedy (MTV
Network Int'l President from England), plus about 100
others were present at the private party.  At the RnR
induction dinner, there were:  Clive Davis, Doug
Morris, Tommy  Motolla (Maria Carey came and planted a
big kiss on him as a surprise), Les  Bider, Richard
Gere of movie fame, Phil Quarteraro, and all top brass
(execs) from all labels present.   Dinner ran from 6
p.m. to 1 a.m.--was packed & moved along very well.
Just thought I'd let you know about it all.   A great
week in NY and I nailed  down the date (June 17, 2005)
and the place (Novetel Hotel on 52nd &  Broadway) for
the next Columbia/Epic Records Alumni Association
reunion luncheon from 12 to 4 p.m. Should be a blast
and I would appreciate a mention in your respective
columns re this forthcoming event.  Thanks & stay
well."