|
"Murder
at the Busted Bird Cafe"
by Claude Hall
Chapter 12
The receptionist handed me a couple of phone
messages
as I came in. I asked her to order me a pizza.
"A whole pizza?"
"You're looking at a hungry deejay," I said.
I glanced in at Dude as I passed by his office. He
was reading a copy of R&R, a trade tabloid newspaper.
"You going out for lunch?"
"No," he said. "Guess I'll order
something."
"I've got a pizza en route. About 20 minutes."
"Sounds good to me," he said without looking up from
his reading.
My office has none of the glamour of Dude's office, if
you can call his artificial potted plant decoration.
He doesn't even have a couch, just a plain desk, a
fairly comfortable office chair, and two fairly
comfortable padded chairs for guests. The most
important item in his office, as in my own, is the
sound system. Although the music on the radio station
was my major responsibility, we both listened to
albums, CDs, and cassettes. He also had a TV set and
a VCR so that, on occasion, we could watch a video
clip. But it was a leftover from a previous program
director and a previous programming format. Since we
didn't play that many new records, the TV and VCR
gathered dust.
One of my messages was from Jo and the other from
Tricia.
It was great to be popular.
The message from Tricia mentioned that she would like
to take me to lunch. I had missed that opportunity,
since it was already 1:15 p.m. The message from Jo
merely said she'd tossed my tee-shirt in the trash.
Guess I wasn't all that popular.
I started reading the junk stacked on my desk.
Actually, I just skimmed through most of the items.
Most were just tip sheets, a term placed by Ted Randal
several years ago on the various and varied flyers and
Xeroxed or offset newsletters that hype records.
One of the tip sheets was put out by Kal Rudman. It
was known throughout the industry that you couldn't
believe the information about "monster" and
"gigantic
smash!" records in Rudman's publication, but program
giants like George Wilson read it anyway just to see
what was going on.
Dude came in just as the pizza arrived and dropped R&R
on my desk.
"Some TV stations trying to reach you."
"Right," I said.
I decided that R&R could wait until after I finished
the pizza. Matter of fact, except for the gossip
column "Street Talk" it could probably wait a day or
two.
Rosemarie Turner, half of the morning team of
Rosemarie and Dan, poked her head in the door.
"Have some pizza," I said.
"Can't," she said. "Us girls have to watch
our
figures or nobody watches our figures."
"You stole that line from Bill Ballance," I said.
"I'm the best thief in the business," she admitted.
She paused. "Just wanted to mention that I was
listening last Saturday. One hell of a show, Buddy."
"Thanks," I said.
"Did you really say the word fuck on the air?"
"I'd never do something like that," I said.
"He was drunk," said Dude. "He probably
doesn't even
remember being on the air."
"I do remember being on the air Saturday," I said.
"I
just don't remember what I said."
"You went after the thugs in that Busted Bird caper,"
she said.
"Stole that from Humphrey Bogart," I said.
She shrugged.
"The word on the street is that you've launched a war
on the Mafia."
"Me? For god's sake!" I lashed out.
"I'm just a
small-time radio music director and even smaller disc
jockey. I couldn't make war on a can of split pea
soup."
"Hey, I'm on your side," she said.
"Stole that from Jack Thayer," I said.
"I was just wondering, Dude, if Dan and I could do
something on this Sherbert thing."
Dude dropped his slice of pizza on the tray. He half
rose from his chair.
"Not only no, but hell no!"
"Why should Buddy have all the fun? Might help our
ratings."
"Might help you get killed!" said Dude.
"Did you
notice that greasy spot out in the parking lot?"
"Yes."
"That was Buddy's truck. A Mexican kid was killed in
the explosion."
"Scratch my idea," said Rosemarie. "And to
hell with
the ratings."
"You and Dan stick to the copy. And I want to
continue looking at every show."
"Okay, Dude."
She vanished from the doorway. Only her perfume
lingered. She wore something called Savage Lace. Dan
and her were supposed to be an item, but she denied it
now and then. Still, she wore Savage Lace when she
went on the air and only she and Dan and a producer
were in the studio. Maybe the producer was getting
into her panties.
I'd never paid much attention to her because Jo had
been chasing me like a groupie after Paul McCartney.
Or, as they would say in Liverpool, a "bird."
Groupies are a staple item in showbiz, especially
among the record artists. Many a rock star has come
back to their hotel room after a show on the road to
find a delicious little thing waiting in his bed, some
chick seeking a moment of excitement in an otherwise
dull life in San Antonio, Little Rock, Montgomery.
But the rock star didn't, as a rule, have to depend on
random selection for sex, there were cute little
things hanging around the music business in Los
Angeles, Nashville, New York. Some stars took several
groupies with them on every tour. Where they came
from, god only knows. Where they went later, god only
knows. They were there for a few months and were
everything that a man wanted and then gone. Now and
then one "made it." One record guy dumped his
wife of
many years and married one. Created a little noise
for a while--gossip. But, as a rule groupies don't
get that lucky.
"Down, boy. You're panting," said Dude. He
reached
for another slice of pizza.
"That obvious? Guess there's a touch of evil in us
all. But, it may merely mean I'm over the hangover."
"What's with you and Jo? Or should I pry?"
"She left a message this morning that she'd thrown
away my KMET tee-shirt."
"A clear sign, I would think, that she's irritated at
you."
"One can assume something like that," I said.
It's not true that I was, either at that particular
moment or any other time, taking Jo for granted. I
don't think I've ever done that with any woman. Not
even with the girl or two I sometimes dated back in
high school.
On the other hand, the record industry and especially
the radio industry has been rather casual about sex
since the founding days of Top 40 radio on KOWH in
Omaha and later at the "Cliff," KLIF, in Dallas.
There was a rumor that one morning disc jockey named
George never came to work from the same direction
twice. And the story is quite true that Murray the K
on WMCA in New York City once invited a couple of
ladies to the studio as a promotion stunt and they
showed up naked, except for the fur coats they had to
wear to the station because of the snow storm. The
story about whatshisname Miller, too, is quite true,
but most of the men I knew in radio thought he had
every right.
The arrival of AIDs had changed a few things. A lot
of guys had gone back to ordinary shack jobs, i.e.,
quasi-permanent relationships.
It's also true that most of the AIDs cases in radio
were among the gays. There were a lot of gays in
radio, including a couple of friends of mine, and a
good percent in the music industry. A while back, one
highly respected New York record company president
"came out of the closet," which surprised the hell out
of his wife and sons. Most radio men, however, are
decently discreet about their sex lives, including the
ones who aren't gay. Including the ones who have an
ex-wife in about half of the markets where they've
been on the radio...and usually a kid or two. As long
as neither type gives me a sales job, we can be
friends.
I'd met Jo at your basic, typical record party at the
Elysian Fields restaurant four or five months ago. I
don't even remember much about it, not even the reason
for the party, except that at some point we were
holding hands and later I went home with her and
stayed three days. Dude had known about it, of
course, because he'd been at the same party and had
seen us leave together. Past history now, I guess.
Dude and I knocked off the rest of the pizza and I got
busy on my computer. I guess Dude went back to tend
Matilda, his potted plant. It had been dubbed Matilda
by some record promotion man and the name stuck. As a
gag, some record man gave him some plant food
"guaranteed to make your plant grow or your money
back." As a gag, Dude now and then fed Matilda a
spoonful of plant food.
My computer was named Todd after Todd Storz, the man
who invented Top 40, or format radio and saved radio
after it had been "killed" by television. Storz,
the
son of a big brewery owner in mid-America, had fallen
in love with radio. After attending a so-called radio
school operated by NBC in those days, he bounced
around a couple of stations, then talked dear old dad
into helping him buy a failing AM daytimer--KOWH in
Omaha owned by the local newspaper. I think it was
the Omaha World-Herald.
The story is legend in radio. One day Storz and his
program director, Bill Stewart, were talking radio in
a bar across the street from the station. After a lot
of beers and a few hours, they noticed that the same
records, more or less, kept coming up on the jukebox
all of the time. Then, as the story goes, when the
jukebox finally went silent for a moment, the waitress
walked over and played one of the records again.
Stewart always claimed that he never knew who came up
with the idea, but KOWH a short time later put in a
closed playlist, i.e., a limited number of records
like you would find on a jukebox in those days, and
the more-popular records, as determined by sales in
Omaha, were put in higher rotation, i.e., played more
often. Before the closed playlist, disc jockeys
brought their own records and usually played whatever
they wanted. That was basically the reason for the
big payola convention in Miami Beach that led to
headlines claiming: "Babes, Booze, & Bribes"
and a
subsequent payola investigation. Guess who was behind
the convention: Bill Stewart and Todd Storz.
As the old cliché goes, the rest is history. Me and
radio, history.
The term "Top 40" came from the number of records that
a disc jockey normally played during his stint on the
air. Along with commercials, news, promotions, and
deejay chatter, a disc jockey normally got in about 40
records. One of the radio promotions invented by Todd
Storz or Bill Stewart was called "Lucky House Call."
It's still being used, under one name and another,
including "Cash Call," on more than 75% of the radio
stations in America and many in countries ranging from
Australia to Brazil and England. Probably even in
Luxembourg.
The good thing about Todd the computer is that I
didn't have to feed it.
It didn't take me long to compile a list of records
for the coming week.
Then came about an hour of mish-mash conversation with
Dude that sometimes drifted into an argument and
sometimes into an exasperated "oh, hell." Both
of us
take music seriously. I guess that's why we work well
together. On the other hand, he has certain
preconceived notions about records that I do not
enjoy.
He likes Air Supply. One of my most difficult tasks
is to keep Air Supply records out of the playlist.
Fewer than five percent of our target audience have
even heard of Air Supply and probably half of those
don't care.
Eventually, we get a basic list generated and it isn't
that different from last week's list because we still
follow many of the programming concepts, when you get
right down to it, that Bill Stewart and Todd Storz and
Gordon McLendon invented back in the 1950s.
"You keep up much on George?" I asked.
"Not much. Last I heard, he was living in Denver.
Not too active."
"Pity," I said. "Great radio man."
"We all drift from the limelight sooner or later. He
had a good run."
"The crime," I said, "is that everyone in radio
probably thinks his run is over and it probably isn't,
but no one will give him a shot."
"Happens to us all," said Dude. "Now about
this
record."
"For your birthday, I'll do it. I'll put an Air
Supply in rotation for three days."
"My birthday is six months off."
"I can wait," I said and darted out of his office.
I went back to my office and reformulated the music
list and at 3 p.m. put the list live on the computer
system.
Then I shifted through the stack of trade magazines
and hype sheets about records. At a contemporary
music station, I might have read the trades before I
made up my music list and then again maybe not. You
get a lot of information about new and hot records
through personal contact with record promotion people,
music directors at contemporary stations in other
markets, etc.
Billboard's Vox Jox column was mundane this week; it
mentioned a lot of nobodies trying to be somebodies.
You sit out there in Polaski, Tennessee, or Mexia,
Texas, and you write letters to the radio editor at
Billboard and eventually you get your name in Vox Jox
and you feel very important for a while.
Unfortunately, not long enough. It is a famous
column. Probably started by Joe Carlton, who went on
to become a very successful music publisher, in the
1940s. At one point, it was written by Jerry Wexler,
one day to become famous for producing Aretha
Franklin's first giant hit "The First Time Ever I Saw
Your Face" down in Muscle Shoals, Alabama. Jerry, at
the time, was one of the kingpins at Atlantic Records.
He later produced some decent stuff by Bob Dylan,
etc. Like George, he had a good run right up until
the time he dumped his wife Shirley of countless years
and took up with a 21-year-old. However, you could
expect George back in the spotlight soon and maybe
even Jerry.
After I had as much as I could stand of the hype jobs,
I put Billboard, Disc Times, and R&R in the files and
shoved the rest into the trash basket. The fact that
the trash basket was suddenly full indicates how much
of that sort of crap floats around the industry.
I checked out with Dude.
"Research," I said.
"I hope you're not going into overload again."
"No way," I said. "I've been a good little
boy
lately. Drinking a lot of milk. But I do need a
strong, tall Coors. It will do wonders for my
disposition."
He grimaced.
"You really aren't concerned, aren't you?"
I thought about the question a moment.
"My mama didn't raise no idiots, Dude. Hell, yes, I'm
concerned. I'm definitely chicken from the word
squawk. But I'm not going to let anyone or anything
buffalo me. Don't worry. I'm taking
precautions."
"Virginia says I ought to shoot you myself and save
everyone a lot of trouble."
Virginia was his wife and one of the real reasons why
Dude didn't chase skirts. She had some gypsy blood in
her and we figured she was at least half witch and had
put a spell on him. She also made a mean Manhattan
clam chowder.
"Tell Virginia I'll be by for breakfast at 7:45 a.m.
tomorrow."
"Wait a second! I don't recall inviting you for
breakfast."
"Eggs benedict," I said.
I handed the receptionist a couple of CDs on the way
out. She loves Tony Bennett. Ain't showbiz
wonderful! I give my leftovers to the receptionist,
Dude probably gave his to the babysitters. You get so
many albums and cassettes and CDs that you couldn't
keep them all if you tried. There are collectors, of
course, who not only keep everything given to them but
prowl warehouses and distributors, hangout at swap
meets, and scrounge everywhere hunting for even more
records. Bob Altschuler, once head of publicity for
Columbia Records, probably had the greatest record
collection in the world, going back even to the old
shellacs. Barry Hansen, otherwise known as Dr.
Demento, is a shark when it comes to records.
Absolutely no taste. He collects everything.
I found my pickup where I'd left it. It was nice to
know that no one had blown it up yet. I drove up
toward the center of town.
A few minutes later, after doubling back and forth two
or three times in a general area, I finally found the
police station.
Sawyer wasn't surprised to see me, but, on the other
hand, he didn't exactly jump up and down with
excitement.
"Can I buy you a beer?"
"I'm on duty." Sawyer had on blue jeans,
loafers, and
a workout top with multi-color stripes.
"This is duty," I said. I told him about
Martoni's
being a waterhole for the music and radio industries.
"You can go incognito as a cop."
We used his car. I figured my pickup was fairly safe
parked near the police station, which may be an
illusion in this day and age. Nowhere is probably
safe anymore. According to the newspaper, Los Angeles
was running six or seven bank robberies a day, which
probably means that someone had gone into it as a
career. Probably had a staff now of 20 or 30 people.
Wonder what kind of hospitalization insurance you get
for a business like that.
Actually, few in Martoni's paid much attention to
Sawyer. I introduced him as my cousin from Mexia,
Texas, a toolpusher in the oil business.
"Wish you guys would do something about the price of
gasoline," said Stud Richards. Richards, once a
program director in several markets, now worked for
Barry Farr's tipsheet. He probably didn't know what a
toolpusher was.
Neither did Sawyer. "A toolpusher?"
"Stick with me, kid. I'll make you a star," I
said in
a stage whisper out of the side of my mouth. "No
problem, Stud." I told Richards. "My cousin can
fix
anything except a parking ticket."
"Jesus," said Sawyer, half under his breath.
The reason that few people paid any attention to
Sawyer, of course, is that people in Martoni's are
basically interested only in themselves. Everyone is
"taking care of business"...either trying to get a
job, trying to get a better job, trying to promote a
record, or trying to build rapport so that they'll be
able to promote a record as soon as they get a record.
Harvey Cooper waved. That is, he raised his glass of
Perrier at me. I raised five fingers at him, then,
mockingly, began to count to make sure they were all
there.
Charlie Major said "hi" as he drifted by. At the
moment, he didn't care to know me. I had always
thought of Charlie as a pretty good guy, but rumors
had been floating around lately that sort of put a
damper on that idea. It was amazing how fast an image
could change in this business.
The place was packed. You had to wait in line just to
get a stool at the bar and it didn't pay to wait
because nobody was leaving. Many of the crowd had
arrived early just to make sure they would get a seat.
When they got up to go to the bathroom or the
telephone, which was quite often, they either left
something on the stool or had the person sitting next
to them guard it with his life.
At one point years ago, the throng in Martoni's had
been mostly male. Now, there was a good mixture, but
women entered the restaurant knowing quite well that
"Tailhook" was probably a Boy Scout meeting in
comparison to the dimly lit conclave of Martoni's.
Probably most of the record women would have enjoyed
"Tailhook."
I raised two fingers as I approached the bar. Freddie
DiSippo handed me two bottles of Coors Cutters between
two permanent stool residents. "Dude said you
couldn't have Elephants for the next 17 years," he
said.
Barry Farr invited us to join him in his booth.
I introduced "my cousin" Sawyer. They shook
hands.
Before he started his tipsheet, Farr had been in
record promotion. To tell the truth, his tipsheet was
mostly a vehicle for the promotion of records, but he
was a lot more tasteful about it than Crudman.
"Heard you lost a pickup," said Farr.
"Bad battery," I said.
"Yeah, that would explain something like that," he
said. "What's your explanation of the scene down at
the Busted Bird?"
"Chuckie will do just about anything to promote an
audience," I said.
"You really related to this guy?" Farr asked Sawyer.
"Distant cousins. Very distant," said Sawyer.
"I'd think about moving anyway," Farr advised.
"Maybe
the south of France." He turned to me.
"You know,
Buddy, that Tony or Ben might be able to help you
out.'
"The problem with something like that," I said,
"is
that I'd owe. Just not my style."
"Not if you need that kind of help."
"Aw, hell, Barry...just wouldn't work. I just can't
do it."
"You want me to ask. I deal in favors. I don't
mind
owing one. Hell, I probably owe millions of favors by
now anyway."
"Thanks, but no."
"You guys ready for another beer?"
"Not me," I said. "And my cousin is the
designated
driver. Thanks anyway."
Sawyer and Farr got into a discussion about the music
industry. I watched the people. Ken Draper came in.
He waved. I waved back.
After a while, Sawyer and Farr ran out of things to
say.
"Save my booth," Farr said and he headed for a
telephone or the restroom.
"Why did we come over here?" Sawyer asked me.
"I needed to get out of the office," I said.
"You're
my excuse."
"Thanks."
"You making any progress?"
"Not a lot. Bit early yet. But I'm growing
rather
interested in this society you've been talking to."
"The society good guys or bad guys?"
"That's one of the interesting things about the group.
I haven't been able to find out much. Normally, I'd
pick up on a valid organization in just a few minutes.
On some of the fringe groups, a day or two. On the
Society for Critical Studies, nothing."
"Would you like to talk to the boss of the society?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"There she is," I said and waved at Tricia. She
was
leaning on the arm of a record man named Tag Thyret.
She didn't seem all that pleased to see me. I guess
this just wasn't my day.
"This is my cousin from Mexia--Jesus Sawyer," I said
and I introduced him to Tricia Rizzo, head of the
Social for Critical Studies.
"Hello, detective Sawyer," Tricia said with a wry,
know-it-all smile.
(To be continued)
e-mail claude@claudehallonline.com
|
Commentary
by
Claude Hall
July 28, 2003
How to Write an Article
Part Two
by Claude Hall
Basically, this should be your rule of thumb regarding
a topic: It helps in the writing if you're not only
interested in the topic, but have in-depth knowledge
about it. However, it's better for the reader if the
topic also appeals to their sense of curiosity or
interest or affects them in some way.
Generally, a topic idea is already at hand. The topic
idea is there for the plucking right out of your
business and/or personal life. At home, my wife
seldom cuts off the lights. I wrote a humorous
article about it (which I will never, never show to
her because I know for a fact that she would not find
it amusing). Also, I have not found out where they
go, but socks are always disappearing in the laundry;
I wrote a humorous article about it. Both of these
articles appeared in a national tabloid for which at
one point I was writing one or two articles a month.
I once saw a sign outside a small upstate New York
town listing the dozen-plus apples grown in the area;
I still believe that a best-selling non-fiction book
could be written about apples.
Ideas, however, can be created, i.e., you see
something in the news that disturbs you...something
happens that you feel is inappropriate to human kind,
etc.
A lot of factors are involved in writing. Not only in
the lead or introduction, but throughout the article.
One of these is human interest. In any basic
journalism class, students learn the major elements of
human interest. Any good reporter might not have
these on the conscious level when he or she sits down
to write a feature or a news story, but, if asked,
they can rattle them off without even thinking; they
are engraved in the soul of good reporters.
These include: Violence, sex, unique (largest,
smallest, fastest, prettiest, etc.), children and
pets, prominence (the famous, the rich, the movie
star, etc.) timeliness (i.e., yesterday's news is only
fit for high school history classes), money, tragedy
(storms, earthquakes, illnesses, accidents), health,
proximity (we're more concerned about what's going on
in our neighborhood than the remains of Yugoslavia),
humor, etc.
Reader's Digest has changed in recent years, but some
factors will probably never change to any great
extent. Pick up a copy and you'll usually find
articles regarding health, family, religion. Pick up
any tabloid at the checkout stand at the supermarket
or any woman's magazine and you'll find at least one
article dealing with dieting, an article dealing with
somebody famous, a story about something odd, etc.
So, your lead should possess one or more of the above
elements. Naturally, the entire article also should
have one or several of these elements going for it.
Leads
Generally, you have a major reason for writing an
article, i.e., a premise. And this is stated in your
lead. The "points" of proof in your article all
refer
back to this premise or reflect upon it.
In the heyday of the pulp magazine, the adage was that
a writer had to capture the reader in approximately
150-200 words.
On a newspaper, often a city editor would tell you to
"Put a grabber on this" news story. What he
meant was
that you needed to grab the attention of the reader in
the first couple of sentences. Or sooner.
The writer has several kinds of leads available to him
or her, including:
1. Straight lead (usually this type of lead concerns
the five W's-who, what, when, where, why, plus how and
how much; however, a declarative or picturesque lead
could also be a straight lead). The "inverted
pyramid" style-in which most newspaper stories are
written-presents all of the major facts of an incident
or situation within the first two or three sentences,
as a rule. These facts concern, of course, who, what,
when, where, why, and how and often how much. Since
these facts are the reason the story is worth writing
and worth printing, usually the inverted-pyramid story
lead is sufficient unto itself.
2. Accusative (used in expose-type stories).
3. Question (used to grab reader's attention,
shouldn't be overused).
4. Fantasy (used mostly in features that have,
usually, a weird or strange flavor, news stories that
are offbeat, etc.).
5. Humor (used on funny pieces...situations that have
a touch of humor, i.e., reality juxtaposed against the
absurd).
6. Comparative (juxtaposition of reality with
reality).
7. Summary (used for roundup stories such as featuring
data, those concerning several talks at a convention,
etc.).
8. Historical/chronological (refers back to some event
or person or situation in order to make a point that
is contemporary; example: When Queen Elizabeth used to
order heads chopped off in the yard at the Tower of
London, little did she realize that she was
contributing to the development of the 19-cent BIC.).
9. Hypothetical/mystery (statement that is later to be
proved).
10. Quote (a statement of a person in the article;
works better if the person is important for one reason
or another; as rule, stories should not start with
quotes)
11. Personal (using yourself-the "I"; this type of
lead is taboo with many publications).
Examples
There are several methodologies that may help you in
writing a lead:
* Involve the reader with a mystery. ..a question is a
cheap way out, but is frequently used and sometimes
used successfully: "Do you want to know what's really
wrong with television? Not enough Linda Ellerbees. The
woman should be cloned and distributed to all the
network nightly news shows." (56) Merrill, Don (May
17,1986) Review. TV Guide.
* Involve the reader with the character, especially a
likable person (even in the example below, there is
the juxtaposition technique; reality is juxtaposed
against the glittering image that most performers have
when on stage): "It is a rainy Los Angeles night, and
Neil Diamond looks tired. He is 45 now, and his dark
hair has receded into a comfortable, middle-aged
stance, which goes nicely with his comfort able,
middle-aged demeanor. Dressed in a custom-tailored,
brown velvet corduroy jacket and casual slacks, he
looks like a nice Brooklyn boy who grew up to be a
prosperous Long Island podiatrist. Not, however, for
long. He retreats to his dressing room at the Sunset
Gower Studios in Hollywood and emerges minutes later
garbed in hip black leather, transformed and ready to
face the television cameras as Neil Diamond,
award-winning, record-breaking pop-tunes icon for the
past 20 years." (14) Warren, Elaine (May 24,1986)
"If
Boy George Is Passé, Where Does That Leave Neil
Diamond?" TV Guide.
* How about a person who isn't exactly likable?
Maurice Zolotow is a Hollywood screenwriter, etc. etc.
In a book of articles about famous Hollywood types,
all of which appeared in magazines such as the
Saturday Evening Post, Cosmopolitan, Look, and Life,
Zolotow had this unusual opening, which, incidentally
fits with the character: "Oscar Levant, the pianist,
actor and wit, has made a lifelong career of
hostility. He has become rich and famous by defying
all the time-tested rules for getting ahead in life.
Young men starting their careers are usually advised
to be respectful to their superiors, tactful with
their associates, and ingratiating to their clients or
customers. For more than 25 years Levant has been
making enemies by acting surly, insulting, bitter and
utterly egocentric. He is a moody and hostile man and
he refused to be anything but himself. He has no use
for the amenities, the politenesses of living, whether
in his personal dealings or his public appearances.
He confesses all this with an airy nonchalance. 'I'm
a controversial figure,' he says, nervously puffing a
cigarette. 'My friends either dislike me or hate me'."
(123) Zolotow, Maurice (1951) "Oscar Levant: The Art
of Making Enemies" from "No People Like Show
People."
New York: Bantam.
* How about a heroine with a problem: "Ana-Alicia
remembers the sexual pressure. She had just arrived in
Hollywood, dreaming of the opportunity that would lead
her someday to the fame she has now as a star of CBS's
'Falcon Crest'. 'I went to interview for a series
with a man who was a big-name reputable producer. He
said he liked me. He brought me back three times to
read and said I was perfect for the part. The last
time he brought me back he closed the door. We were
alone. He told me his wife didn't understand him'."
(2) Murphy, Mary (March 29, 1986) "Sexual Harassment
in Hollywood." TV Guide.
* You could, of course, involve the reader with the
beauty of your prose or an atmosphere: "Rising
unexpectedly out of the coastal marshlands in southern
Louisiana's fabled Cajun country is a startling
geologic and cultural phenomenon known as Avery
Island. Not an island at all, really, but an upthrust
salt dome about six miles in circumference, Avery is
covered with woods, meadows, and fields. On October
evenings those fields burn with the reddish-gold of
ripening peppers, and snowy egrets roost by the
hundreds in the exotic gardens nearby. Birds and
peppers are curiously related here. The peppers go to
make Tabasco sauce, a fiery condiment that has
probably piqued half the taste buds in America.
Although Avery Island is the place where Tabasco got
started more than a century ago, the sauce has long
since made its presence felt all over the world.
Tabasco was with Kitchener in Khartoum ('...a
correspondent cannot live on soda water and Tabasco
Sauce alone,' complained George Warrington Stevens,
who wrote about Kitchener's African campaign). A
bottle of Tabasco was photographed on a mess table
during a halt in the excavation of Egypt's tomb of
Tutankhamun." (72) Conaway, James (May 1984) "On
Avery Island, Tabasco Sauce Is the Spice of Life" in
Smithsonian magazine.
* Or: "A day before Jonas Malheiro Savimbi arrived,
people worked all day clearing an area for his
appearance. Trees were chopped down, bush cleared,
the dry red soil swept with branches. A reviewing
stand with a raised dirt floor was erected. Large
chairs of tree limbs tied together with bark were
constructed, with straw woven in for backing and
cushion. That night those who had worked sat around
fires and sang, and all through the night more people
came to the place of the meeting. Most had walked
miles. By dawn the temperature was chill, almost
numbing, but the light brought more singing to the
pounding of four big drums, each drum almost as tall
as a man. By midmorning, perhaps 2,000 people filled
the clearing." (13-14) Rosenthal, Robert J. (Dec. 2,
1984) "The Guerrilla War in Angola." Philadelphia:
Philadelphia Inquirer Newspaper Magazine.
Note how the above lead parallels to some extent the
same form of opening for the classic drama.
Shakespeare usually introduced his main character by
having other people on stage talk about them. The
introduction is slow; it is built up carefully,
usually rising like classical music to a crescendo.
Not too much has changed in that particular type of
opening since the days of Shakespeare.
* And then there's the humorous lead. The humor
doesn't have to be fantastically funny. It can be wry
or tongue-in-cheek. A type of humorous opening would
use counterpoint...or juxtapose one type of person,
place or thing against another person place or thing.
An example might be this opening from an article by
Robert Capa that was originally published in Holiday
Magazine in November 1949: "The bridge named after
Saint Elizabeth was the prettiest suspension bridge in
Europe. It connected the highbrow Buda with the gay
and booming Pest. On the Buda side it rested just
before where the dictator, Admiral Horthy, held court.
On the Pest side stood the Cafe Moderne, where the
tailors of Budapest held their daily meetings, which
began with complaints about business and ended with
pinochle. Under the pillars of the bridge on the Pest
side, the steps receding from the not-too-blue Danube
were the favored meeting place of lovers and
long-haired would-be revolutionaries. The year was
1931. Ferenc Molnar was sitting on the terrace of the
Cafe New Yorker. On the dance floor of the Night Club
Arizona a baby elephant did tricks. In the big square
police headquarters Horthy's chief of police, Peter
Heim, whistled Beethoven's "Fifth" while beating up
long-haired young men. My father was one of the
pinochle-playing tailors, and I was a young man of 17
with very long hair. After a few visits under the
bridge I was invited to listen to a whistled rendition
of Beethoven and I left Budapest." (77) Capa, Robert
(1956) "Conversation in Budapest." "Ten Years of
Holiday," New York: Simon and Schuster.
That, believe it or not, was the opening to a travel
piece. But travel articles can, and should be, well
written. All writing, regardless of topic or form,
should be written well. ..and can be written well.
* News leads are not difficult. Remember: What is
more important, as a rule, than who, when, why, and
how...although many trade stories do feature why and
how predominantly in the lead, as in this example:
"In spite of a boycott by the major radio operators
except for a gesture of tokenism by RKO Radio and
attendance by ABC network executives, the annual
convention of the National Radio Broadcasters
Association scored a resounding success here Sept.
19-22 at the Hyatt Regency Embarcadero Hotel with
2,450 radio person registered. According to NRBA
president Jim Gabbert, this makes the NRBA convention
the major radio management meeting of the year. The
NAB convention in Chicago last March drew several
thousand broadcasters, but the general feeling among
the industry is that most of them were television
oriented." (1) Hall, Claude (Oct. 2, 1976) "NRBA
Confab a Success; Conquers Majors' Boycott." Billboard
Magazine.
FYI: There is such a thing as created news. You, in a
sense, create news when you do personal interviews
about a good topic. Or you mail out questionnaires
and then combine that information into a roundup
story.
Research
If you do not know a lot about the topic, you'll need
to do research, something made easier, I would think,
by the development of the Internet. Essentially,
there are two types of information: Fact and opinion.
You might also write from personal observation or
personal experience, oft referred to in the academic
world as empirical research.
Valid opinion is usually gained via interview and the
more important the person, the more important the
opinion. This is especially so if you're interviewing
someone who has first-hand knowledge of the topic.
Fact is usually gained via research: i.e.,
questionnaires, interviews, library, newspaper morgue,
some kind of data bank, etc.
During my years in New York on a man's adventure
magazine owned by Fawcett, I was asked by the editor
to get an article on H.H. Hume into shape for print.
It was not only poorly written, but I didn't believe
any of it. I went to the New York Public Library and
soon discovered there were more than a dozen books
written about Hume, who lived in the 1800s and,
evidently, could levitate. I was not only able to
input a lot of relevant information into the article,
but rewrite it to make it not only more interesting,
hopefully, but realistic. Was this information fact?
I could at least cite person, book, and page and the
information came from a variety of sources, not just
one person and certain not from Hume.
Mnemonics
It is important to create certain writing habits.
These can help you write.
We are creatures of habit. If you write at the same
time every day, you will find yourself not only
writing when you sit down at the word processor or
typewriter, but eager to get to the specific time
period.
Hemingway later denied it-or poopoo'd the concept-but
he used to sharpen a bunch of pencils prior to
writing. This was his mnemonic; a creative spark to
get him into a writing frame of mind.
During one period of writing on a novel, I played
tapes of bluegrass music. Once I put on the
earphones, I automatically fell into a writing mode.
The truth is, I seldom heard the music after a few
moments. But I had built the habit of writing to the
music, a la Pavlov's experiments with bells and dogs.
So. a specific time, a mnemonic, a pleasant
atmosphere, these are a few of the things that will
help you create.
Actually Writing
Several factors should be considered in whatever you
write. The first is clarity; does the sentence make
sense? When you read the sentence back to yourself
mentally, does it flow? Does what you've written
contribute to the things you're trying to say, does it
tell the story?
"No one can hope to write well if he has not
mastered-absolutely mastered-the rudiments: Grammar
and syntax, punctuation, diction, sentence variety,
paragraph structure, and so forth," (17) according to
the late John Gardner in his excellent book "The Art
of Fiction." (New York: Vintage Books, 1985) Well,
this is true within reasonable parameters and
certainly it's an admirable goal. If you're concerned
about your use of grammar, may I suggest the small
booklet "The Elements of Style" by William Strunk Jr.
and E.B. White? It's very reasonably priced and can
be found in many bookstores, especially those on
college campuses.
Neils Mortensen, mentioned above, who used to hold
session at the Santa Barbara Writer's Conference each
year said that he wrote fact like fiction and fiction
like fact. Thus, if you could throw in a quote
occasionally, it would add to the readership value of
what you're writing...make it easier and faster to
read. And what is said is more important than who
says it, so the attribution (who said it) should just
about always follow the quote and if the quote starts
the paragraph, so much the better. Another thing, if
you can say who said it and their title or job and
firm or whatever and where you got the information,
i.e., in Time magazine (p. 78), you'd be really
cooking. See the quote from Gardner above. Just
FYI, it's okay to quote something within reason from a
newspaper, magazine, radio show, TV program, etc., as
long as you give credit and you limit it. Saying
something without attributing is plagarism; but
attributing it, etc., smacks of research.
Structure
Three types of structure must be considered:
Foundation, frame, subliminals.
Foundation
In fiction, the old cliché was that if you're going to
have a murder in a later chapter, you need to put a
gun on the mantel over the fireplace in an earlier
chapter. Essentially, you should do the same thing,
where possible and where necessary, in an article. If
you're writing about a new air conditioner, you might
wish to first discuss the birth of the air conditioner
and some early history. If you're writing about a new
development in television, you might wish to discuss
Philo Farnsworth, a man who held many of the patents
in early TV.
Frame/Form
This is merely the outline: i.e., tell them what
you're going to tell them, tell them, then tell them
what you told them. There are other frames (outline
forms) that you could use, but it is important to stay
as close as possible to the reader's comfort zone
(i.e., things with which the reader is familiar).
Glue
Articles, like Broadway musicals or movies, are better
when there is cohesion to the entire item. In a
Broadway musical, you will hear a reprise of the major
tune. In the Broadway play and movie "Mr.
Roberts,"
co-author Josh Logan inserted a running gag/story line
about a bottle of "scotch." In an singing cowboy
article titled "They Went Thata Way" printed in a
magazine called Tune-In, I had a running shtick about
the guitar.
Subliminals
Subliminals are difficult to use in shorter articles,
and perhaps not even necessary. In longer essays, the
possibility is stronger that subliminals could improve
the work. One of the great examples of the use of
subliminals can be found in the novel "Madame Bovary"
by Flaubert. One of the several subliminals in this
great work of art was the statue in the yard; it
deteriorates throughout the novel as Madame Bovary
crumbles morally. Subliminals are even more useful in
novels; they tend to "lift" the mundane into the realm
of art.
"Old Man and the Sea" by Hemingway makes dramatic use
of subliminals (the mast of the boat, for example,
represents the cross, according to noted critic Carlos
Baker). Lawrence Durrell used the concept of
"reflection" extremely well in his masterpiece the
Alexandria quartet ("Justine," "Balthazar,"
"Mountolive," and "Clea"). Subliminals,
of course,
should be used not only sparingly, but wisely and
should fit the motif of the article, book, etc.
Atmosphere
The Alexandria quartet by Durrell is, unquestionably,
one of the most beautiful pieces of writing ever. He
speaks of Alexandria in terms so glossy, so colorful,
so flowery, so prosaic that you don't realize for a
long, long time that he is painting a picture of a
dung heap littered with the depravities of the world.
Without question, the four books, combined with a
couple of other books on literary criticism, can
literally comprise a course on how to
write...especially on how to write a novel. For books
of criticism, I would recommend the Twentieth Century
Views series (Spectrum Books, Prentice-Hall),
especially "Flaubert" edited by Raymond Giraud.
But, ordinarily, you stay away from sordid topics,
sordid scenes, sordid people. The chances of success
are much stronger when one writes about heroes and
heroines in heroic settings achieving heroic things.
Quality
Remember: Very few writers write great their first
attempt. "Anna Karenina" was not the first
version of
this work by Leo Tolstoy. There's an old cliché:
Writing is 5% inspiration and 95% perspiration. It
has been said about writing poetry and it has been
said about writing fiction. Same goes for writing
articles. By lifting a piece of writing up, giving it
an aspect of art, you not only make the article more
interesting to read, but give it greater power and
perhaps a longer shelf life; that is, the article or
fiction may discuss the specific, but concern the
general...affects everyone. This can be accomplished
in many ways and one method is to enhance the writing.
One technique that may help do this is to read some
good poetry or good writing prior to sitting down to
write and especially before rewriting. "Sea
Fever" by
John Masefield is a favorite of mine, but I also keep
a copy of "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" by
Robert Frost handy. Or I may just read a section by
Leigh Brackett or the lead paragraph above by
Hemingway.
Rewriting
Some people rewrite as they go, including me. But I
also labor over an article after it's finished to try
to improve it. Basically, I check for spelling
errors, grammatical mistakes, Associated Press style
(you can obtain an AP stylebook in any college
bookstore), punctuation, etc. But a person rewrites
for many reasons. One might be to improve the flow of
words or replace weak verbs, another reason might be
to add elements that could range from viewpoint to
"art."
Tips
Here's a portion of a letter I wrote to a former
student about one of her articles:
"The weaknesses in your writing are few, but they
standout: Weak verbs, for example; in the second
paragraph on page four I counted five uses of "is" in
three sentences. When I note this kind of thing in my
own writing, I immediately realize that I haven't
rewritten the article enough times. You say: But I've
already rewritten it three times! Well, rewriting is
sometimes more a matter of perspective than labor; you
need to do a lot of reading between the writing and
rewriting and even between rewriting and rewriting
again. Or you must take a long walk alongside the
canal on a day so hot it fries the mind or a day so
cold your fingernails began to ache. You must throw
yourself (especially your thoughts and the very
pattern of your thinking) off equilibrium. Hemingway
fished or hunted or bathed himself in the gore of the
bullrings...even boxed. I play Pac-Man, basketball,
read Max Brand.
"You might want to treat your material with a
different view. I'll include an Irma Bombeck
beginning. You might attempt even Poe, Buckley,
Reagan, Cosell, etc. versions...just for fun. The
idea is not to parody the topic, but to merely flex
your creative muscles; you'll know the correct
treatment when you bump into it.
"At this point, you might say: But you said the
article was already well-written. True. And someone
with a market already carved out-his or her name
already fairly identifiable, the editor already in the
habit of buying that particular author-might be able
to sell the material as is.
"However, until that elusive state arrives, the writer
must be better than just okay, must present material
better than just well-written.
"Example of Bombeck beginning:
One of my little angels announced defiantly that she
didn't like cauliflower quiche.
'Tomorrow, zucchini quiche.'
'I'm quiche'd out.'
'Baked.'
'I hate baked everything.'
'Fried.'
'One more fried tomato and I'm running away from
home.'
This particular summer in my family is known as the
Vegetable Explosion.
That summer, we planted our first vegetable garden and
all of the vegetables came ripe at once. A flood of
cabbages, potatoes, lettuce, cauliflower, green beans,
tomatoes, broccoli, peppers, zucchini, kohlrabi and
sweet corn engulfed the kitchen. We ate them singly
and in combination, baked, broiled, stir-fried, and
raw. They were transformed into quiches and
casseroles, soups and salads. We couldn't eat them
fast enough.
'I'll barbeque lettuce tomorrow then,' I said.
'I want a barbequed hamburger.'
You can, of course, visualize other possibilities.
Essentially, what we've done here is basically to
fictionalize fact and this lends the article more
interest.
Endings
Usually, you just wrap the article up, so to speak, to
illustrate that you're proved your premise as stated
in the lead, i.e., you tell them what you've told
them. In the academic world or perhaps in a serious
research article, it's usually a good thing to point
out that more research needs to be done before a final
conclusion can be drawn.
Conclusion
Professional form for submission to a publication or
publisher? In this case, you probably need to stay
within the "comfort zone" of the editors of magazines
and books, etc. Use margins of course (an inch all
sides but the left and here use one and a half
inches). Double space. Name and address
at top
left of first page. Start the article with the title
at the middle of the first page halfway down. Use a
key word from the title at top right with the page
number on all succeeding pages. Professionals with
journalistic training usually type - 30 - at the end;
the reason is a long story that may or may not be
true, but it is a tradition many trained
writers/journalists continue.
FYI: Be sure and enclose a self-stamped,
self-addressed envelope if you mail the article to a
magazine. Yes, you should also enclose a short note,
but don't include your life's story.
Last note: Success is often merely a matter of keeping
at whatever you're doing and that specifically
includes writing.
So, these are a few guidelines. Something you can
learn and use.
Great writing?
"Great writing cannot be taught. In other
words,"
according to Neils Mortensen in an article in West
Coast Writer's Conspiracy, Fall 1977, "we can all
learn to play the cello, but there is only one Casals.
Nevertheless, you will find that most writers apply
most of these rules either intuitively or because
they've learned what works. These same guidelines
apply whether you write stories, articles, plays,
television scripts, movies, advertising copy,
conference reports, sales reports, or letters home."
END
(next week: A view of old man McLendon and some
memories of the Convention From Hell)
Claude Hall
e-mail claude@claudehallonline.com
|
